Confessions of a Recovering Over-Achiever.
I’ve been quite internal these past weeks, descending into the longest night of the year…
I taught a sold-out workshop on Sydneys Northern Beaches a few weeks ago. My first big event in ages. And although I feel more robust than ever I am highly sensitive. Following some big and difficult decisions about my Teacher Training (more on that if you’re registered for VIP updates – GO HERE) – leaving my nest to travel, produce and teach is no small feat for me. So I take all the time I need to recover.
Once upon a time, I’d get through a big event like that and ‘hit-the-ground-running’, get straight back into the next ‘urgent’ thing, the next project. Without adequate down-time or recuperation, integration, celebrating my wins, or taking the time and space I needed until I felt truly ready. I was stuck in a belief that the world would stop if I stopped! I didn’t have access to that kind of knowing, or that kind of honesty.
Sure, I ‘could’ keep going, getting shit done. But that doesn’t serve me (or you) anymore.
I have finally learnt that nothing is (really) urgent. And if my body is not ready, I am not ready. It’s that simple.
I am listening. I am making amends. I will NOT push. I will no longer pretend that I am invincible. Nor do I want to be. Those days are over. Amen.
But please hear me: I do still experience a familiar ‘pull’ toward my old way of being. I can slip into the ‘talk-too-fast-mode’ when I get excited or anxious. I sometimes feel the seduction of playing a bigger game than I am actually up for. My Muse gets me into all kinds of trouble! This seduction has me occasionally over commit. Because it’s familiar. It’s what I know. Since my earliest years amidst the violence, the heartbreak – I learnt to stay out in front of myself as a way to survive it. I grew a tough exterior. I adopted some behaviours that looked mighty impressive to the world – but were detrimental to my soul and to my health. But it meant I existed, and to push my body like a machine gave me some sense of control. So it’s been – and still is – a profound healing process to unravel that one.
So, yeah, I’m a work in progress.
This is my message. This is why I am here. To model that kind of authenticity and commitment. To show up anyway. To give you (and me) permission to listen more deeply, even if it gets messy. It’s necessary if we hope to begin to trust that life has our back. That things can and will wait, until we are ready. And to trust that the dark will shift. And if changing gears like that doesn’t feel within reach for you just yet? (Maybe you’re like – yeah right!) I hope that I inspire you to dream into it as a possibility for yourself… Because it wasn’t always like this for me. My trauma, my PTSD ran the whole show and I felt powerless in the face and force of it. So living a spacious, creative, restful life began as a ‘fantasy’. And thanks to my big breakdown (ummm, breakthrough) in 2011, it’s now very real. I want that for you too. Ideally without the breakdown. I want you to create the life you yearn for. To really fucking ‘have it’. Like I am.
I feel so grateful that I actually ‘got’ this. That I finally saw through my own self-deception. That I can afford this, have this, give this to myself, make amends.
May you, in time, give that to yourself too.
Here’s a snapshot of my last few weeks:
That said, I just wanted to remind you that:
Great things happen when we’re parasympathetically dominant.
(That means the opposite of the sympathetic or Stress Response – which is where I lived most of my life).
Life slows down.
Our whole system purrrrrs. And new possibilities emerge.
The the body can heal. All. By. Itself.
Here’s how:
When we’re chronically busy, overriding our need for rest, our bodies are hardwired to respond as if we were in a ‘crisis’. All. The. Time. So we’re continually flooded with stress hormones. The nervous system is ‘always-on’. The brain can’t switch off adequately when we do rest. Our gut and reproductive systems are mostly off-line. Our hormones are out of whack. Little wonder an epidemic health crisis is unfolding. Anxiety, adrenal fatigue, pain, digestive and reproductive issues, sleep disorders, autoimmune diseases, burnout, mystery illness… Sound familiar?
So when we down-regulate and move OUT of a stress response into a parasympathetic (relaxation) response our breath becomes full, slow, and deep. Our hormones balance. Our sleep is sound. The adrenals are plump, our digestive system works well, inflammation reduces. Tissue mends and pain decreases. Our Psoas is juicy and supple. We become more resilient so we’re more stress-hardy, less flappable. In turn our relationships and lives flourish.
The immune system purrs. There’s more space and calm around things. Even the challenges – because we’re more like ‘teflon’. So we can regulate and bounce back with ease after stress and illness. We have more energy during the day. We feel great. We stay juicy and mobile as we age. And we can meet an actual crisis with what’s needed because we’re resourced rather than depleted.
Sound good?
My work plugs-you-in to your parasympathetic super-powers through self-regulation mastery. I give you the tools to cultivate your parasympathetic capacity which fast-tracks cellular repair.
It’s the secret-sauce ingredient for stress, SIJ instability hip and back pain, sleep issues, anxiety, high sensitivity, trauma and chronic illness. And even if you don’t have any of these – you might be an A-type and you’ve seen the writing on the wall. It’s time.
Want to know more?
For your chance to WIN a $400 session with me write your comments or tell me your story or why you need this session below.
To double your chances of winning:
1) Join my Psoas Love FaceBook group HERE.
2) Share any of the posts with the details for the prize AND tag three friends.
We can Skype or meet in my Studio.
Drawn on June 26th. Good luck!
♡
I am here, surrendering to the process.
All love,
Hey Kylian,
Well you know I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now and like so many feel my body is kind of ‘locked in’ to the non-parasympathetic way of being 🙁 and feels so frozen in place as a result … having tried many techniques with limited success I suppose I am looking for the key – forget trying to sit for meditation, my hips are so locked up that just is a waste of time. My sleep is restless even though I get 8 to 9 hours in bed a night and use relaxation techniques … or try to as I usually fall asleep before I get that done. I have been using my blue blockers both the lighter variety for working at the computer during the day and the orange ones for after sunset. These have helped a little, more with my eyes not getting as tired. I wasn’t in Sydney for your recent workshop so missed that as well … what else is possible?
Yes I hear you Therese. There are a lot of factors informing our capacity to rest, regulate, recover, repair. I hear that you are doing good things, but that you still yearn for something more. Such a shame you missed my workshop! 10 hours of the work with me! I have a retreat (announcing this week) coming up and otherwise we can do Skype. I hope that helps. ♡
I feel that discovering Kylian and your words is some kind of profound revelation, that has happened at just the right moment. I have recently been teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown after years of living in “survival/crisis mode.” I’m a single mum, I work (not full time, thankfully!) and have dedicated my life to trying to save forests, ameliorate the situation in Aboriginal Australia through teaching and give every fibre of my being to those I love…Bleeding heart deeply in need of rest and energy in, not out out out…..I feel I need to ask for help to do this, though. I have a fair amount of trauma- vicarious and internalised, PTSD stuck in my body and I need a key to release it, or process it or shift it…I am notoriously bad at asking for help as I’ve always been the helper- so here we go turning over a new, gentle, breathful leaf…xxxxx
Mary, I hear your call for help. Such courage! And so many like you are giving, giving, giving… only to eventually burn out or break down. Because it doesn’t work. Not in the long term.
So it’s time huh? Time for you to look at what is underneath this way of being. this overlooking what YOU really need. Time to reclaim something for yourself. Ahhhhh, a new leaf has been turned. So what would you like to create sweetheart? Nad the real question might be: Can you let yourself have it? All love, Kylian ♡
I’m so grateful for the mirror you hold up to me. Thank you. I’m in recovery.
Oh Lindy darling, what else can I do? You’re now in the draw! Good luck! ♡
I hear you Kylian, similar story here, still a work in progress but so, so grateful for the awareness, and the slowness, and the spaciousness I now gift myself <3
Yes it’s a familiar story. We are taking back our power and reclaiming rest. I am so happy to hear you are slowing down. You now have doubled your chances of winning! Good luck! ♡
Great yes Kylian, go forth into effortlessness and ease. Find the all new momentum!!!
Yes Scott. More and more every day. Such a blessing. You now have a chance to WIN a session with me! Good luck! ♡
Thank you for your insightful authenticity <3
Ahhh baby. My pleasure. ♡♡♡
I notice a slowing down and a sense of more internal space in reading your post , I very much appreciate your honesty and authenticity in your sharing 💗
Thats great Michelle. I love that you’fe here, that you ‘get’ it. ♡
So thankful to read your open and honest sharing….. giving expression to new ways of being authentic and true. My journey has similarities and awkward moments of allowing the new me keep emerge…. and knowing that I have more to dismantle first is both daunting and exciting.
Big love to you…. recovery and reclamation is a long journey…
We are so worth it though
My pleasure Emily. Yes it is a journey. But so worth it. ♡
Much love for these words 🙂
Awwwwww. Thanks Emma ♡
Inspiring me in my resting right now xx
Fabulous Margie ♡
I just had a morning nap in my van as Mak drives me to put holiday destination. So guess I’m slowing down too. So happy you have the opportunity to slow down when you need to
I love this Veet! Good for you darling. ♡
Ami Bee this is resonating with me today… what I need to learn to do 😔 or better yet teach Archer to do!
Wonderful. ♡
Beautiful, beautiful dance with the fascia and fluid body, which I’m so in love with thanks to you and my commitment to my own recovery. <3
So gooooood! ♡
Thank you for the reminder! I’m learning the need to slow down and really listen to my body – it’s given up whispering and is now yelling at me quite loudly to rest and restore, hard to ignore 😊
Yes the longer we ignore it the louder it gets. Go rest babe. Just let yourself have it. ♡
Yes!! Rest time is so important. Now that my career is getting busier I HAVE to schedule in rest time. Especially after performing for or facilitating to large groups. Rest… mmmn
Mmmmmmm…. Yes scheduling it in means we get it, have it. Good for you Sally! ♡
Inspiring reflection as always darling – I too am engaged in some paradigm changing approaches to my life & wellbeing at present in response to some challenges with my thyroid. It has been a significant few months & I am still in the early stages of creating new internal & external responses that prioritise my wellbeing & address my apparent need for healing – it’s saddens me that it so often takes a crisis to catalyse change for so many of us – I am finally responding more directly to needs that have been there for at least the last 20 years! Feeling grateful to be heeding the call & to have the spaciousness in my life to do so 💗
Amen Steffi. Sadly, it usually does take a crisis. It did for me. But what a blessing because now I get to inspire and teach people to rest BEFORE the burnout/breakdown/crisis. Good for you that you are heeding the call. Enjoy recalibrating darling. ♡♡
Just reading this helps me to slow….. way down. Thankyou Kylian.
Thats so great to hear Michaeli! My absolute pleasure. ♡
Thank you
Yes. Me too.
Learning always to listen..
Not over ride
A lot of what you said resonates for me. 🙏
Kylian Martin Ahhhhh Stephen. So good to have men join this conversation! Men need it tooooo! I’m so glad you’re here. ♡
Thanks for the reminder yet again dearest Kylian!
My pleasure Joanna! Sorry I missed this! xx
I am constantly doing this – keep going, you can get through this. But it’s finally caught up to me. So tired. I do the same as soon as I become anxious I talk faster, I’m constantly taking on more than my mind can manage. Thanks for your post and your reminder. I so needed this today. X
I hear you Beata. So many of us are darling. Re-patterning is a slow process…
So sorry I missed this before! xo
Love this kylian! Thanks so much. I think most people on the planet can benefit from you wisdom. I’ll send it to my beloved too. Tim Loughnan
I’m so very glad Tahlia. I tend to agree with you lol. xo
Resonates completely. But then all that your write and share often does with me. Thank you for the reminder. Love x
You are too kind Katie! But i am so glad it resonates. You are beyond exhausted. ♡
Thanks for the reminder. 💙💜✨
My pleasure Sandra ♡
Wonder-ful intention. May the perfect person receive the gift of beautiful non-doing
Aaahhh 🙏
Amen sister. ♡
I hear you. I need to do this more. After a big event I need to honour me. Feed me, rest me,create time to stop and look after me. Thanks. Learning. Much love
I hear you. I need to do this more. After a big event I need to honour me. Feed me, rest me,create time to stop and look after me. Thanks. Learning. Much love