I’M NOT STRESSED. It’s a lie, and we know it.
Hey love,
It’s been a while since I wrote. I’ve been down the rabbit hole, with my Muse. Deconstructing stress. Postulating on the role of fascia in my work with the nervous system (OMG!). Re-defining rest and its role in our capacity to thrive. I gotta say, I’m doing some of my greatest work ever. I live for this! It’s the perfect combo: delving deeper into what it is that I actually live and teach AND writing about it! Waxing lyrical about the thing I’m oh-so-passionate about as I weave it into language. Exploring how I’m gonna teach people, to teach people how to rest… And then there’s all that sweet down-time I take (naps, walks, slack-lining, rest) to ferment and coalesce.
When I’m in research and writing mode my senses become more attuuuuned. So in turn, I see the madness of it all. What I’m up against. E v e r y w h e r e .
You know when you want to buy a new car and you have your heart set on a particular model, and you suddenly see it everywhere you look? It’s like that.
The hallmark signs of a crisis in the making. The micro. The macro. I see and feeeeel the gravity of modern life on our collective psyche. Like, amplified.
Sure it’s subjective, complicated. But it’s also really fucking simple. It’s called stress, baby. No matter how you dress it up. It’s plain as day, modern-day S.T.R.E.S.S .
And most people are just not seeing it for what it is. Not naming it.
It seems everyone I meet is stressed. Starving for rest. And the ones who insist they’re not? The body tells a different story. But mostly – everyone is complaining that they need more time, to get it all done and to relax into their own lives. They’re exhausted, crazy-busy, burnt-out or broken. Or well on their way. Most of them don’t recognise it, unless it’s chronic, because it’s become the ‘norm’. But I can see it a mile off. It’s my superpower. A word, a gesture, a certain look… I don’t enjoy it! But it’s my god-given gift… We keep adapting to new levels of crazy, ummm I mean stress. We prop ourselves up, to get shit done, ignoring what’s really going on. We tell ourselves: “I’ll take a break when I get this one thing finished! I’ll slow down when my youngest goes to school. I don’t have time to _______! (fill in the blank). Once I clear my debt I’ll take a holiday.”
It’s a lie, and we know it.
Essentially it’s the same for all of us: We burn the proverbial candle, worship at the altar of busy, tethered to technology, information overload has nervous systems spiking en masse. But we also have a ‘super-hero’ complex. It’s dangerous. We feel invincible. Convincing ourselves that adrenal fatigue (or any other chronic illness) happens to ‘other’ people. But darling, I’m here to tell you:
No one is immune. No, not even you.
I can hear the outcry, the defiance – from here. And I get it! You really do have to work/drop off the kids on time/pay the rent/make the deadline. I know you don’t make this stuff up! I get it – I live in 2017 too!
We live in a culture where productivity trumps self-care.
So, in the middle of clamouring toward the promised land, it’s easy to miss the signs, because A) we’re waaaaay too busy, and B) we don’t even know what to look for. We are so brain-washed by pop-cultures charade we don’t know what’s real anymore. And stress can be sneaky, silently creeping up on us in its fatigues (pun intended). Plus there’s our flat-out refusal to admit we’re stressed when we know we are. We by-pass the truth, the stigma and shame it carries: “Oh I’m FINE! Really!” We’ve all done it.
Again, It’s a lie and we know it.
So, the reason I keep showing up here? With my love-soaked rants, my over-sharing, my pleading? Because I want you to get it, before you burn out, like I did. 2011 was the year I broke down. And in some ways it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me, because it got my attention. It was the turning point, and I ain’t never looked back. Life just keep s getting better! And those of you who’ve been here a while know I’m not bragging so much as bearing a torch of hope. Living proof that you can turn it around.
I want people to know what to look for. I want to make it OK to talk about it, to ask for help. I want to shine a light on something that I know in my bones is gonna take a lot of people down in the next few years. Harsh, but true. I’m not here to make you feel better by sugar coating it. I’m here to tell the truth. We. Are. In. Trouble. And if you are feeling stretched? If you are exhausted, having trouble sleeping, fighting anxiety, moaning about not having enough time or energy for the things you love? If to-do lists dominate your daily life? Chances are you are already in trouble. There, I said it.
I get you might wanna break up with me about now. But just hear me out. Yes, I tell it like it is which can be a bit tough-love-ish. But pouring on a little truth to prompt you to slow things down is my thing.
I’ve asked before and I’ll ask again. What’s it gonna take?
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves. – Mary Oliver
S T R E S S : W h a t a r e w e l o o k i n g f o r ?
The stats are in. Stress is on the rise, and chronic illness is following suit. It’s an epidemic.
Yet predictions say we’re only just beginning to see the effects of our global stress-induced health crisis. It’s starting to snow-ball. And I don’t want you to be another statistic.
Stress indicators can include physical, psychological and behavioural symptoms. No part of the body is immune, but, because people handle stress in different ways, symptoms can range from being more emotional than usual to headaches, low energy to an upset stomach, insomnia to frequent colds, muscle pain to procrastination. It’s so broad that if we don’t really know our selves that well, we’ll probably miss it when something out of the ordinary shows up.
By slowing things down and being curious and kind with ourselves, we can begin to tend to ourselves in new ways. To transform our relationship with stress, which includes how we treat ourselves, our habitual ways of responding, so we can heal. We get to live into new possibilities… The life we ache for.
That’s where I come in. Like a midwife, I can help you birth a new way of being. Learning to rest is just the beginning.
I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna give you all the love and permission you need sweetheart. THAT IS WHY I’M HERE. It’s the reason I write occasional emails (which always unwittingly turn into a blog), record little audios and videos for you, post in my Facebook community with daily prompts, teach classes and workshops, run personal retreats, offer Skype sessions with people around the planet and the reason I’m writing the juiciest Teacher Training that exists (and a much anticipated e-book)! God I need a nap!
It’s all for love. It’s all about teaching people the secret-sauce so they can regulate with ease, create safety on a cellular level, dissolve pain, drop into profound states of relaxation, and recalibrate the way they ‘do’ life. Amen.
And it’s also why I nap every single day! Research, of course!
The big take away?
L E A R N T O R E S T : Before stress. During stress. After Stress. It’s the only way.
I N V E S T I N R E S T : Your future self will thank you.
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” – Pema Chodron
Share your wisdom and war stories below. We need you to show up and shine your light too.
Fiercely loving you.
You know it.
Thank you for your brave, nourishing work Kylian. You have an ability to write a post at the right time about something we all need reminding of…. a few weeks ago I resigned from working in a busy, stressful full time hospital job….by week two In this role I heard whisperings of “what does your life look like if you rested more?” Ahhhh honour yourself…
I’m so glad to hear you heard the call (whisperings) and did what you knew you needed to do. Bravo Michelle. And so, what does your life look like now? ♡
Wow. Holy wow! You rock the world, babe. <3
Thanks darling. One of my best rants for sure. ♡
Cracker of an email Kylian, LOVE this message, thank you xx
Cheers, Prue
“Cracker!” I love this word so much. Glad you enjoyed it Prue, so glad you’re here. ♡
Seriously wonderful – holy holy yes to it all. Sent it on to all of my clients…..they need this so much.
xxx
Seriously glad you get it darling. Share away! Yes, most people need this so much. ♡
Invest in rest! Love this
Yes. It’s the best investment we can make! ♡
Here Here! In reading this i cant help but begin to have visions of you as a nervous system/rest ‘dominatrix’ of sorts. Walking through my body, wtf is this stress and tension! Drop and gimme 20 mins on the bolster dammit! The hardcore permissions base we/I need to rest in this age…… The ultimate rebellion and boycotting of the empire i say… Tally Ho! I mean… GET BACK TO BED!
babe, you make me laugh so much sometimes <3
This is awesome! I think you’re onto something En! I can see me in fleecy PJ’s, whipping people into submission with their warm lavender scented eye pillows… LOL! ♡
It’s the new look for Deep Rest right there! I’m loving it. 😀
Hard-core Rest! For the super-advanced and brave? LOL!
*jumps into my Lara Croft cosplay outfit* I’m SO ready for that!
A nervous system ‘watch dog’, with stress level monitors located at key points. When stress levels reach maximum set levels: as prescribed by your local deep rest, nervous system condition expert, it emits some kind of dramatized holographic infogram explaining in vivid detail to anyone else involved in the space why that person needs to rest ASAP…. That would be a wicked invention….
Wicked indeed! Like I said, Hard-Core Deep Rest, baby. LOL
Having recognised my limits I find many ways to rest everyday…thank you for your posts kylian I’m loving my low profile quiet and profound living experience
Ahhhh, thats so great Jane. I’m so glad you enjoy my posts. Yes I recognised mine a long, long time ago but I didn’t really ‘get it’ until my breakdown. Such a gift. And now I sometimes hear the signs and think, ‘oh I can stay a little longer, I’m ok’.
But not so. Yes I love a quiet, spacious life. It’s beautiful.
And just incase you missed it I have a FB group Psoas Love where I grant daily permission and remind you to rest and live a life of your own making. I rarely post here on my profile. All love ♡
I had a similar experience recently….the greatest gift of which was the new knowledge and acceptance I gained from knowing myself and what does and doesn’t work for me. Noisy restaurants being one thing that doesn’t. X
Oh I hear you. Its been a long while for me. I’ve been refining this inner compass now for 20+ years and I still stumble from time to time. Yes noisy places are not easy for me. If I’m feeling robust I can do an hour or so. But we were there for ages. Sighhhh…. xx
Noisy restaurants fry me too. I always head for the alfresco dining area if there is one. At least some of the noise and energy dissipates into the open air…
Me too babe. It’s challenging with sensory integration sensitivity. Group dinners are not easy… xox