Soul Alignment: the up-side of a health crisis.

Since I wrote about my “Fear of Being Seen” – I’ve had a challenging and liberating time. That first blog created more buzz and connection, than any of my previous emails. I felt truly seen, received. Simply by sharing myself like that.
The irony huh? Authenticity resonates.

A big exhale followed – as I realised I get to be myself in this forum. You see, Iv’e been trying to figure out what my emails/newsletters are about for a few years, so this was a huge ‘aha’ moment for me.

Then magical things started to happen. Invitations rolled in to write guest Blogs, do interviews, teach in far away, exotic places. And I was like, Yes!

By fully owning my fear – life opened up.

But little did I know – when I recorded that 1^st video – I was in the early stages of a mysterious illness…

I got sick. Really sick.

I was in my PJ’s for weeks. Wipe out. The symptoms fit the profile of Ross River – but it turned out not to be. Complete with a cranky psoas and belly, skin break-outs and the thickest brain fog imaginable. If you can’t relate to “brain fog” – it can be de-bil-it-at-ing. Ultimately it’s a lack of mental clarity – and when it’s severe – the simplest task (like writing a grocery list) can feel like quantum physics. Wo-hah! You look fine, sound fine, but something is very wrong. It felt as if I’d had a partial lobotomy. No joke. So even though I came through the physical stuff relatively quickly, (with a little help from IV vitamins) I’ve had nearly three months of brain fog… Yes you read that correctly. Three. Months.

Scary.

So following my big “declaration” to show up fully in the world!….
Bam.

My work came to a screeching halt! Understandably, it took me a while to completely surrender. I didn’t go down kicking and screaming – but I was resisting. I couldn’t help but wonder what was really going on. Was it just a classic case of upper limiting (sabotaging)? Or was there something else going on….

Looking back, I’d been in a state of prolific expansion and production for months. I was doing/holding sooooo much at once! So it’s true, I was in need of some serious time-out. The micro level, I’ve got down pat, (my daily rest/self care) just ask anyone. But on a macro level? Not so much. I tend to lose sight of my broader needs when I’m on a mission, in the creative flow.

When I did finally come to a standstill, I felt sort of embarrassed. How could I – given what I do in the world – be so depleted, and not even know it? A beloved friend pointed out that, with only half my brain functioning, I was unable to recognise the signs.

What followed: support and kindness from those around me; I revisited some big childhood head trauma; fever; zero work; little screen time; long baths; 3-hour naps; DVD marathons; crystals; lusher-than-usual restorative practices; gazing out my bedroom window for hours; and prayer…

And in all that space, my despair rose up. New layers of grief, and anxiety.
It was dark.

I stayed with it. I burned, baby.
And when I really let go – I arrived at self-compassion.
Grace.
The very stuff I offer to so many others in my work – I gave to myself.

And what transpired in my hiatus, whilst I sweat-it-out in fog-land, was a spiritual recalibration. I reeled it in (my big ol’ vision), did some deep and necessary clearing and healing – which amplified my capacity to self-nourish.
I realigned with my Soul. And now, from this new awareness a renewed and sustainable vision is emerging:

• Some changes to my schedule means I will travel less in the coming year.
• I have finally begun (baby steps) working on a creative project for all Psoas Lovers, as well as those in need of some delicious and potent nervous system repair…. everywhere. (Any guesses?)
• I am going real slooow. Honouring my sensitivity. Being more in my life – so I can continue to show up here for you in my work. 
• I now see this ‘healing crisis’ – as a profound blessing. A return to faith. My true North. I can now navigate forward in a way that serves you and nourishes me. Without over doing it.

Of course the trick for me is to not go for it 110% and have a repeat. You know that one? So I am enjoying loads of time “unplugged”, long beach walks, lots of reading (I have a stack of new books, OMG!), creating divine sugar free, grain free, dairy free, vegetarian food, and I even rediscovered my childhood love of drawing and even colouring in! Talk about mindfulness!

So if you are wondering, I am feeling much better. Still a little brain fog, but as you can see in my spontaneous video, I’m back!

In the next few weeks I will share my major discoveries – many of which I think will be very helpful for some of you – along with some questions for you about my latest project!

It can be difficult to see when you’re in the midst of a health crisis to trust, but it is my absolute belief that there is always some divine reason.
A gift. A lesson. An opening or triumph. Some unexpected breakthrough.

Beats choosing to be a victim hey?

How ’bout you?

Have you ever found the up-side of an illness or major life challenge?

Just as my sharing shines light for others – so does yours, my love. So please come across to my Blog HERE and tell me. I love hearing from you….

Thanks for reading my second most transparent and real email to my tribe (so far), which I decided to make my second ‘blog’!
(I think I’m onto something here…)

I’m off now for a luxurious 90 minute facial, because I can.

With deep gratitude and love,