This is the work. In action.
I promised to launch Permission to Rest this week….
A few of you have asked about it.
Full disclosure: Recently I had a meltdown. Yep. Ironically it was as I was preparing to go ‘offline’ for a 4-day digital detox holiday! Craaaazy! Right?
And whilst I’m left in a kind of foggy, gentle space – there’s no doubt I could have pushed myself to deliver on schedule. Pulled some all-nighters (like the old days). Sure, that habitual masculine, ‘getting-shit-done’, pushhhhhing-the-limit-paradigm has a gravitational pull. Still. It’s lurking in me. The seduction of what my nervous system is so finely attuned to from early trauma (stress). I’m still learning to see through the clever camouflage (like my Muse). So I can catch it sooner every time – rather than most of the time…
As I write this my heart pounds. I don’t want to let you down. My beautiful, loyal tribe.
But I can’t do it anymore. Push. I won’t. It feels too stressful. And you deserve better than that. Also, this is not how I choose to live anymore, or how I want to do the work. I choose instead to do it from a place of restfulness, ease, integrity. And I know you’ll ‘feeeeel’ where I’m at as I create – in the end product.
I am re-discovering my ‘groove’ as a business woman. 25 years in business flies in the face of learning a whole new ‘online’ framework and culture. I’m still in trainers. (Thank god for my assistant). Strategy, leads and deadlines combined with digital platforms? Just forget it, baby. I’m an old-school entrepreneur, a hands-on, all-heart, creative, people-person. So as I expand and stumble I am deeply committed to doing it MY WAY – as an embodiment of the work. Which means – taking care of my nervous system as I go, each step of the way. Refining, redefining my own self-care. Including how I do business.
The behind-the-scenes process to create a digital version – of what comes so naturally to me in the human-to-human context – is utterly mind-boggling. I keep underestimating what it takes to do this online gig WHILE honouring my highly sensitive system.
There’s soooooo much screen-time. My brain protests! My nervous system sizzles if I over do it.
And this is WHY I resisted doing the online stuff for so long. It’s a far cry from working with flesh and bones and the juicy hearts of humans in a room… But I am completely, utterly committed to getting this work out into the WORLD. It would be easier to go back to the old way, but I want to make this work accessible to more people.
So the meltdown was a gift. You see? It showed me I need to expand team Kylian. (Note to self: hire gardener, cleaner, increase assistant hours, book dentist…)
So back to the launch…
Throw in a messed-up sleep-cycle (thanks to my Muse, and the screen) and readying for Airbnb and Jury duty, post-meltdown brain-fog and a mini-meltdown? And double-forget it.
So I’m going SLOW here.
I need a permission slip from you…!
Just a little more time darlings. Can you grant me that?
It’s sooooooo close.
And whilst it’s edgy for me to NOT-always-have-my-shit-together (I’m still working on being messy AND being ok with it) – I am keeping it fucking real. All the way.
So here it is. Here I am. All of it.
I suspect some of you may judge me as being unprofessional. (Or is that the whisperings of my own inner critic?)
But I also have faith that those of you who really ‘get’ what I am about – will be nodding as you read this. You’ve been there too right? Wished you could say “no” to that impossible deadline or to-do list? When life pressed in on you, and you ached to curl into a ball for daaaaayyys… To cool your brain, give yourself more space. To simply exha-a-a-a-a-le… Yes?
So, love, my hope is – what feels like a risk, a brave act of self-care and what many business mentors would say was certain suicide – will give you permission to do the same.
To just say no.
And to meet yourself in your next melt-down or messy moment – with kindness and compassion and remember there’s people like me who are just as messy. Just as sensitive. Still learning.
T h i s . I s . T h e . W o r k .
In action. I am walking my talk.
And if you ‘get’ it – even just a little bit – the sane-ness and human-ness of this disclosure? If you’re nodding? Crying, grinning or cheering?
From the quiet recesses of my heart. ♡
“Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough,
self-compassion asks what’s good for you.”
– Kristin Neff
I happened to share this recent melt-down experience with 3 of my coaching clients over the past week and all of them responded with a cheer and relief and said “I love that because it helps me feel like it’s OK when I stumble too!” And – as so often is the case – what was intended as a simple email to my tribe – I decided this is an important conversation. So I want this to go on record here to normalise this.
I’d LOVE you to write me a permission slip below (LOL)… or tell me about a time when you said ‘no’ (or wanted to) to honour your need for a sane life… Your voice gives others access to their own stories, struggles, triumphs.
I believe together we can forge a new way to live and do business and work.
Let’s stand together.